I was not nervous or anxious yesterday, our wedding day. Contentment has rooted in me. There are no questions, no nagging fears. Time will prove this a success and a solid decision. Love is the very core of his interaction with me. [He] says he feels relief, especially regarding the simplicity and not attempting a to-do this spring. Relief. I’m not sure what that means entirely. It is what he feels and that is enough. For me, it feels solid and I can see a future with [him] that does not waiver, whatever comes our way.
That speaks of where I am, finally. I am becoming more certain of myself and my place. I shall always question some things. I will always seek a purpose greater than just existing. Those things are a part of my nature and have been for as long as I can remember. I have returned to actions that reflect my values and in that I am rediscovering peace. I have begun to let go of regret and mistakes made, especially those that were not in line with my values. The deeds are done and I am done with them.
I am home. I have a home, a place. A belonging that isn’t an attachment of afterthought but is made of deliberate choice. Choice by both parties involved.
The other thought that strikes me is that I have lost nothing. There was no sacrifice. Nothing here, nothing between us is sacrifice. And we have been involved, together, jointly in decisions made. [His] nature has been inclusion from the start. Me, I always “left room” in case he doubted our relationship or experienced second thoughts in any way. Instead he has shouted his love and dedication to anybody who would hear. We cherish each other. If nothing else is, we are stable. We can be certain of our love for one another.
Am I misty-eyed? I don’t think so. I realize there will be difficult times for each and both of us, there have been and yet will be.
Surety of one another if nothing else.
©2010 Sandra Davidson