Seeing the End at the Start

I just read Bey-Key’s If You Want to Reap – Sow. |.

This reminded me how often a person (me) will go into a relationship (friendship or other) and soon sees the end—and they’re still at the start.

I married a man who kept his guard up until the night we were wed. Then the ugly stuff came out from everywhere. That night, I should have had the marriage annulled as I could see the end would not be soon or pretty. Instead, I held fast to my sense of duty and, more than six years later, finally divorced.

I couldn’t say I had fulfilled my duty until I knew I had done all I could to support and nurture the relationship as well as allow the other person room in which to grow in their own way.

In the end, violence against me made it clear that growth was occurring—in the opposite direction of healthy.

That’s not my point. Through the next seven years where I refused to sow. The soil in my relationship pot was inert; I wanted no relationships, family, co-workers, or otherwise. I wanted to secede from the human race.

People who experience other humans’ worst traits are often reluctant to put the seed in the pot. “Hmmph. Let them put a seed in first. I’ll see what they’re trying for before I waste my time and energy on…hope.”

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