Marbles in My Ear

I made a comment on:

WHAT HAPPENED??? « DEPRESSION: my muse.

and his response included how he is learning to be a less private person.

I used to be, and still am for the most part, a woman who hoards her thoughts and words. I have tried to maintain an impenetrable  mind and heart because there is so little to trust in those who hear and do not listen, or who repeat what they did not understand in the first place. (I do this also and I examine myself moment by moment to try to retain understanding and accuracy, and to keep no place for gossip in my life.)

Eventually my thoughts become an enormous pile of marbles I can no longer keep. One escapes over there; I scramble to catch it, and more escape elsewhere.

Privacy is an illusion, as is safety and security.

I’ve been digging through ancestral records. For a single individual, I can find out where they lived and when just through old phone books that are now scanned and filed online. It is something like connect the dots. We have that in the digital era more so.

I have offered up my superficial sense of privacy and am now freeing (sllloooowwwwly) my mind, though doubts prevail. I suppose if I were perfectly confident that would be a warning to others. Of what, I’m not sure, but warning just the same.

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3 responses to “Marbles in My Ear

  1. Hmmmm … I determined long ago that privacy–especially in this day and age, is an illusion: we’re born naked, and everything about us is right out there where anyone with an eye can see. From the state of my nails to my dog-haired floors, to my vast an eternal (internal too!) “to do” lists speak volumes about my state of mind. If there are those who don’t like what I’ve done, chances are I don’t like those things either, but they are a done deal–every master work of art has an ugly stage–my past was mine.

    Trust tho’, well trust is a biggie. Both you and I had plenty of reason early on to be slow to trust. And in many ways–those living deep in side us, we are slow to trust.

    But in other ways we’re like a couple of Irish Setters–full of exuberant life and more than a little salivating, ready to take on the next great adventure, sure that what lies on the path ahead will be wonderful–we hope!

    In retrospect, the only person I wasn’t prepared to trust was myself.

  2. I always love the way you use words to paint pictures at least in my mind. I’m a very visual person and your writing is what I need when pictures aren’t available.

    The marble analogy is almost too perfect has I have often felt ideas slip away or roll away. I know that they will soon be replaced with others, but I wanted the one that got away. The same way my privacy is rolling away, as I let go a little. I have suffered in privacy and I choose not to anymore, so now you all get to share in my suffering and it feels so much better. Though I still keep some privacy for myself, the hurt will never be held in private anymore.

    Thank you Ms. Sandra, for hosting this work wary rambling and thank you for stopping by and the shout out.

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