Wary Dreamer

Rarely have I dreamed of myself or as myself.

Perhaps it is the writer in me, those times when I wake from dreaming and, in the dark, scribble franticly to capture the essence of contiguous or repetitive dreams. No matter what the dream, I wake as if movie credits had
According to a professional source, this is highly unusual. A woman who has worked in the counseling profession for more than 20 years said she’d never had a client who dreamed this way.begun to roll. This is not to say I am unaffected by the dreams.

Tools of Eviscerate Action

There have been few exceptions and I find them alarming and disturbing to the point I do not wish to rest, to risk sleep and another first-person dream. One span was in my early 20s. On a nightly basis I was eviscerating a person I knew; the details were visually and tactilely real.

These dreams pushed me into my first experience with a counselor. Obviously I resolved the underlying fears attached to the dreams and to the object of the dreams.

I’m not a violent person, though I know I could be if the act were necessary.

I’m dreaming in second person and first person again, sometimes switching between the two. Most often these dreams feature people I know. I can identify the key triggers, but they are rusty things, things I thought I had dealt with years ago. I feel I can find no resolution because the fears are known to me.

I want to go back to my normal. I can find no way across the chasm except down and forging through.

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2 responses to “Wary Dreamer

  1. “I want to go back to my normal” You can surely forget about that. The best thing and the closest thing to normal would be for you to find a new normal.

    Ms. Sandra I have come to like and respect the you I know and with that I’ll allow you in on a secret. It’s called [and I have no doubt you’ve heard of this before] lucid dreaming. I went to a very non-traditional therapist for about three years and she opened my mind up to so many things and lucid dreaming was one of those things and a gift. I won’t go into what it is here because that’ll take the fun out of discovery for you. I don’t practice it much now as I have gone off the deep end and my dreams have followed.

    Something I never thought of or even maybe took for granted; in what tense or person do I dream? I have just assumed that I was me and always in the first. You have just made me question that. I used to keep a dream journal and out of habit I always wrote as if I was myself, even when lucid dreaming I think I was myself. You have once again made me question my position in this reality.

    Also, I would rather wake as if the credits were rolling then to wake and I have to chase simple details like a leaf in the wind. More you try the further that leaf is blown away.

    I’m sorry for always hijacking your blog, it’s the self-centredness that goes along with my mental illness. You can have it back now.

    Has spring reached the Pacific Northwest yet?

    • Spring has, sir.

      Daffodils are nearly done; tulips’ eyes open with the sun to follow the day to its conclusion when they again close their eyes. Lower elevation cherry blossoms float, bruised, at the surface of storm drains while iris thrust their swords from the mealy ground.

      Lucid dreaming is not a new concept to me. Perhaps we are both at deep ends and dreaming deep.

      As for the leaf, it is in detail which we live and see and find our being, our writing, our song, our craft. Those are our names, all our different names in our different roles, listed in the credits anyhow.

      Thanks for returning, and returning the blog.

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