Masking Pain

Some days I am crying and alternately on the verge of tears, what doctors would label an eight out of ten, with ten being the worst pain.

Physical pain is an amnesiac. Always there is a danger in forgetting the mask and wearing one’s own face.

There isn’t much more frightening than a loved one’s eyes glassy, focused someplace between nose and space. He sees there is no way to hold my body that doesn’t hurt, and asks, “Oh, honey, what can I do to help?”

If hiding it weren’t a lie, I’d rather wear the mask than tell him there is nothing he can do, the sinking of his shoulders and drop to his gaze brings out the guardian in me.

Masks have their tell though in smoothness around the edges.

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3 responses to “Masking Pain

  1. Oh, my friend, if you have the strength to tell me, what is causing this much pain? I hope at least you can sleep some at night and that the doctors have a name for it and understand you aren’t kidding when you say it is 8/10.

    I’m glad to see you are writing again.

    • Hi there, Jean, and thanks for reading.

      Physical pain, mine is a combination of conditions, the often worst of which is the bone spurs I have throughout my body including my spine.

      Writing is a blessing when it comes. Once upon a time…I didn’t wait for inspiration, and I’m sure it will return. I have to trust that. For now, I post whenever I can.

      • I used to think that bones spurs were rhinocerous horn shaped things about a quarter of an inch long. Instead they are microscopic and multitudinous. The little fuckers sure can make their presence felt!

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